The Morning Cruise w/ Suz

Every U down in Uville liked U.S. a lot,
But the Binch, who lived Far East of Uville, did not.
The Binch hated U.S! the whole U.S. way!
Now don't ask me why, for nobody can say,
It could be his turban was screwed on too tight.
Or the sun from the desert had beaten too bright
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

But, Whatever the reason, his heart or his turban,
He stood facing Uville, the part that was urban.
"They're doing their business," he snarled from his perch.
"They're raising their families! They're going to church!
They're leading the world, and their empire is thriving,
I MUST keep the S's and U's from surviving!"

Tomorrow, he knew, all the U's and the S's,
Would put on their pants and their shirts and their dresses,
They'd go to their offices, playgrounds and schools,
And abide by their U and S values and rules,
And then they'd do something he liked least of all,
Every U down in U-ville, the tall and the small,
Would stand all united, each U and each S,
And they'd sing Uville's anthem, "God bless us! God bless!"

All around their Twin Towers of Uville, they'd stand,
and their voices would drown every sound in the land.
"I must stop that singing," Binch said with a smirk,
And he had an idea – an idea that might work!
The Binch stole some U airplanes in U morning hours,
And crashed them right into the Uville Twin Towers.
"They'll wake to disaster!" he snickered, so sour,
"And how can they sing when they can't find a tower?"

The Binch cocked his ear as they woke from their sleeping,
All set to enjoy their U-wailing and weeping,
Instead he heard something that started quite low,
And it built up quite slow, but it started to grow...
And the Binch heard the most unpredictable thing...
And he couldn't believe it – they started to sing!

He stared down at U-ville, not trusting his eyes,
What he saw was a shocking, disgusting surprise!
Every U down in U-ville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any towers at all!
He HADN'T stopped U-Ville from singing! It sung!
For down deep in the hearts of the old and the young,
Those Twin Towers were standing, called Hope and called Pride,
And you can't smash the towers we hold deep inside.

So we circle the sites where our heroes did fall,
With a hand in each hand of the tall and the small,
And we mourn for our losses while knowing we'll cope,
For we still have inside that U-Pride and U-Hope.
For America means a bit more than tall towers,
It means more than wealth or political powers,
It's more than our enemies ever could guess,
So may God bless America! Bless us! God bless!

---Author Unknown

The following words were spoken by the late Red Skelton on his television program as he related the story of his teacher, Mr. Laswell, who felt his students had come to think of the Pledge of Allegiance as merely something to recite in class each day.

Now, more than ever, listen to the meaning of these words.

"I've been listening to you boys and girls recite the Pledge of Allegiance all semester and it seems as though it is becoming monotonous to you. If I may, may I recite it and try to explain to you the meaning of each word?"

************
I: me, an individual, a committee of one.
Pledge: dedicate all of my worldly goods to give without self pity.
Allegiance: my love and my devotion.
To the flag: our standard, Old Glory, a symbol of freedom. Wherever she waves, there's respect because your loyalty has given her a dignity that shouts freedom is everybody's job!
United: that means that we have all come together.
States: individual communities that have united into 48 great states. Forty-eight individual communities with pride and dignity and purpose; all divided with imaginary boundaries, yet united to a common purpose, and that's love for country.
And to the republic: a state in which sovereign power is
invested in representatives chosen by the people to govern. And government is the people and it's from the people to the leaders, not from the leaders to the people.
For which it stands, one nation: one nation, meaning "so
blessed by God"
Indivisible: incapable of being divided.
With liberty: which is freedom -- the right of power to live one's own life without threats, fear or some sort of retaliation.
And Justice: the principle or quality of dealing fairly with others.
For all: which means, boys and girls, it's as much your
country as it is mine.

************
"Since I was a small boy, two states have been added to our country
and two words have been added to the pledge of Allegiance...UNDER GOD

Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said that is a prayer and that would be eliminated from schools too?

The Bible In A Nutshell
(as heard on The Morning Cruise)

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was
nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says,
'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.

Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.
Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked,
but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been
invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad
apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.
Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long
as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died
off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy,
but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a
large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked
some other people to join him, but they said they would
have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more
famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his
birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son
named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was
Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt
and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on
Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice,
bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day
with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments.
These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your
neighbor's stuff.

Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more:
Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first
Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and
the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a
giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had
about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise,
but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets.
One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then
barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league
prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the
star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn.

(I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying
to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would
be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like
the Pharisees and the Republicans.

Jesus also had twelve opossums.
The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they
named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even
preached to some Germans on the Mount.

But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again.
He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the
Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.
(Author Unknown; submitted by Vickie in Monticello, KY)